Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
