I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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