i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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