kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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