I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
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