did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
