New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
