the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
