mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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