Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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