I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
