Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
