...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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