She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
