By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
