i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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