What a fucking waste of an outfit
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
