The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize