Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
