Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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