thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
