already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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