Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
