I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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