it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
