listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Randomize
