JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
