i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
