Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Randomize
