So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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