dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
