Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
she peed on how many people?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
