He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
