We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
40s are totally the cure
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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