I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
