Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
