She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
