return my video game
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
i need some magic done to my vagina
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
