I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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