I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm sobbing to NWA
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Randomize
