I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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