Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
