if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
