The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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