Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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