U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
