he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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