im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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