I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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