I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
