sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
But break dance skills will only take you so far
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
