What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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