it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
