Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
