Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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